pictures from this week

Belen holding my finger

Belen relaxing

our first picture all together!

our little frog...stuck on daddy's belly!

good days, bad days

I went to visit Belen on my own this morning as Lucio was taking Mocha to the vet for a vaccination. When I arrived there was no parking close by so I had to walk all the way from the parking structure. Belen was sleeping soundly when I peeked into her isolette. While the nurse was working on Belen's neighbor, the doctor came by and said they were going to increase her feeding amounts to 21 ml every 3 hrs and also add milk fortifier for extra calories and minerals. The goal is to fatten her up. She was 2 lb, 15 oz yesterday so she probably hit 3 lbs today!

The highlight of each visit is, of course, getting to hold Belen. The nurse got her ready and placed her in my arms...my little munchkin. Yesterday I tried recreational breastfeeding for the first time. It's called recreational because the goal is not to get milk for nutrition but to just practice sucking. Yesterday it went pretty well. Belen seems to know what to do! She was sucking off and on and getting some milk. Well, she got more than she could handle I guess 'cause a few minutes later she spit everything up! My first spit up experience! After that she wasn't really interested in milk anymore, so I just laid her on my chest and we rested while daddy read us a story.

Today didn't go as well. I got her situated and she started to suck, but it only lasted a couple minutes before she spit up. (I put out too much milk too fast!) In addition, her oxygen level lowered and set off the alarm. Then her heart rate went down. Both went back up, so not too worrisome. The nurse came in and helped to clean her up and instructed me on how to move her to an upright position to burp her. I was scared to move her cause she seems so delicate! After a little rest I thought I'd try the other side, but that only lasted for a couple minutes as well. Belen was tired. I moved her back up so she could sleep, but she kept setting off alarms...low oxygen, low heart rate. The nurse gave us one more chance, but the little stinker did it again and she had to go back in her isolette. Once she was settled, she was fine-sleeping soundly once again. I was a little bummed that we didn't get to cuddle for very long, but I guess that's just part of the preemie experience.

To finish our visit, I sat by her and opened one of the portholes and read her a story. The story was about a fast little colt who just wanted to run and play. He didn't want to hang out with his grandpa because he was slow. Until one day he gets lost in the woods and his grandpa finds him. Grandpa horse tells him sometimes you have to slow down and spend more time with family. It was at this point I started to cry. I want to spend more time with my little girl, but it's difficult. She spends most of the day closed up in her isolette, sleeping. The nurses do care time every 3 hours. It's at this time we can help take her temperature, change her diaper and talk to her. At this point we can only hold her or do rec. breastfeeding once a day, so we've been going once a day. Any more than that and we spend most of the time sitting while she sleeps. Maybe when she gets out of the incubator and is feeding out of the bottle, staying longer will make more sense. Even though I know she won't remember any of this time, I still feel bad that I can't be there taking care of her all the time. But I know that time will come soon enough and will last for the rest of my life!

To complicate life even more, Lucio is still without work and our expenses have increased. Adding Belen to my insurance at work was more costly than I thought it would be. We are going to have a hard time making ends meet without some serious budgeting of funds. I also worry about having to go back to work this semester. My sick leave is not going to allow me to stay out past April. I don't know when I should go back to work, I don't know when Belen will be home. I don't know how the kids are going to react to me coming back. All this is causing me mucho stress!

I know I shouldn't worry so much. I should put things in perspective and realize that things will work out fine. Every time we drive anywhere, there are homeless people at the intersections asking for money. It makes me sad to see. It also makes me thankful for all that I do have.

We have received lots of goodies for the baby from our friends. The Dowds and Todiras gave us boxfuls of clothes and blankets. Many others have given us gifts. My work friends held a baby shower for me on Tuesday...that was a lot of fun. My aunt and cousin got us our stroller/car seat combo. My mom got us a bassinet. Many friends from church have brought us dinners the last couple weeks. I must send thanks to all these wonderful people. We are truly blessed to have such great friends and family. We love you!!!

First Kiss

Jen and Belen share a moment together at the NICU. Jen first held Belen on February 16.










I first held Belen on February 21 at the NICU. Holding my baby for the first time was a moment that I never wanted to end. She did make me weep for a moment. Mom was not around to see it because she was busy getting Belen some milk in another room. LOL... Jen took this picture moments after stepping in the room.



Dad's first kiss. This little girl has a hold of my heart like none other. There are no words to describe the moment, one I will cherish forever.

De La Cruz Universum

I recently created "De La Cruz Universum" on Facebook. I wanted to see how many people with the last name "De La Cruz" I could get to join. So far, 79 people with the same last name have joined. My wife thinks I'm crazy and I could be doing something better with my time.

Fact is, I love the idea of uniting people together. The fact that we share the same last name and we live in different nations is by far the coolest thing. Sure, at first I did not think much of it, but now that it has begun to spread, I feel drawn to all these people. I actually feel like I am doing something good.

I have read some of their stories and comments and I am fascinated, thrilled and amused by them. Many of us share similar names and qualities but I know that we are all unique.

I have decided to make a mission statement which I hope others will embrace. Who knows, maybe something real good will come out of this. I am a father for less than a week, Belen is beautiful and somehow I feel that she has inspired me to create "De La Cruz Universum."

Here are my remarks:

Some of you have asked me who am I...? I am who you would want others to have me be, I am you at your best, I am you when you are seeking a second chance, I am a child, sibling and a parent, and I am a person of hope.

I am special and my goal is to unite us all through this entity; my mission is that we all learn to love one another, and spread peace, humanity and charity amongst our fellow brethren.

As a De La Cruz, we should hold strong to the symbolic meaning of our name. We are "Of the Cross" children of God and our goal is simply to be a good example to all men, because ALL good things do come from God.

I love God and I love my fellow brethren. Let us be today's example and tomorrow's heroes; let us exemplify the meaning Life, Love, Peace and Charity...

I invite all "De La Cruz" families, must have the last name either through birth, blood, marriage or adoption to join De La Cruz Universum and be willing to live a life that represents our mission to the fullest.

Care Time

The latest from the nurse at NICU: we're at room air. good. feedings not doing well because of prematurity. have to watch closely. gave baby suppository to get poop. baby tolerated food before. today baby is 1080 grams(2Lbs 6oz). Next care time is 11:30. 2:30, 5:30 or 8:30. be here 15 minutes before care time so that we can watch, assist, learn; takes about 1/2 hour. baby goes back to sleep immediately after care time.

The following pictures were taken by "Mommy" on February 11, 2010. Belen is 3 days young. Yay!

A day with Belen

Following a routine breast pumping session, I walk down with my little bottle of milk to the NICU to spend some time with Belen. She's not feeding directly from me, yet, so the nurses use a syringe to give Belen a tiny amount of milk through her feeding tube every three hours. (at this point, a tiny amount means a couple of drops)

Today was exciting because I got to take her temperature and change her tiny diaper for the first time. To take the temperature you just have to hold the probe securely under her arm for a little while. Diaper changing is more daunting. The nurse showed me how to hold her legs up, get the new diaper ready and take off the old one. There was a nasty meconium poop on the old diaper. I used a little wipey on her bottom and carefully wiped her teenee behind. I was very nervous to touch her...she is so small and fragile. Even the premie diapers are big for her! She was a good girl while I changed her though and wasn't too squirmy. Belen does cry sometimes but it's not loud, it's just little squeaks. She's my little birdie.

Afterwards, the nurse began preparing Belen for the incubator. Belen wears a premie mask over her eyes to protect her from the blue phototherapy light. The light helps to break down Bilierubin which is a byproduct of red blood cell breakdown. Usually the liver breaks the old red blood cells, but because she is so small, they start to accumulate on her skin. It makes the babies look yellow; the special light treats Belen from developing Jaundice.

Lucio is still sick so he has to stand outside the window and watch. He is sad because he cannot be inside next to his precious daughter; the good thing about that is that he got to see Belen's eyes for the first time. She was facing towards the window and I was on the other side of the bassinett. She opens her eyes sometimes. At this age, her vision is not well developed yet, but we like to think that she can see us. I talk to her while I'm there. The nurses keep saying she knows my voice.

It is a difficult thing to see her there. I often feel the tears welling up in my eyes. She is my little baby and I love her sooooo much. I can't believe how much she means to me and how so many other things seem less important now.

I, Lucio, rolled Jen on a wheelchair down to the NICU. I wear a blue facemask over my mouth to keep the germs from flying all over. I don't think that I should be wearing it anymore, but Jen insists. I told Jen that I should not enter the hallway at the NICU because the doctors do not want me there. Jen thought it was ok.

Jen walks inside Belen's room and I wait outside in the hallway. Moments later a lady approaches, asks me if I have a cold for obvious reasons and says that they do not allow people with colds in that area. I told her not the be mad at me; my wife said it was ok. I get off the wheelchair and walk outside of the NICU and back to Jen's room. I was upset!

I just want to be close to my baby. I don't want her to think that I do not want to be with her. I know that she can sense Jen and she probably did see me outside the glass, so she knows that we are both there next to her. I am thankful for the nurses who are there at her bedside 24/7.

Belen Maria

I wrote the following thoughts about the birth of our daughter Belen Maria on February 09, 2010:

Today, at 9:17 am, Belen Maria was born. "Congratulations," the anesthesiologist gently informed Jen and I, immediately as Belen first entered into the room. These huge bright, round lights illuminated the room, but amazingly did not blind our sight. Jen's body was momentarily without feeling from her chest down as the doctors and nurses performed a c-section and brought Belen into our hearts.

A sheet kept Jen and I from viewing the operation, but a part of me was not in a hurry to witness this grand miracle orchestrate itself. I don't know if I would have collapsed or not had I witnessed Belen's arrival; you hear about the blood and the nasty gore that spills about; my mind was mostly aiming at keeping Jen comfortable and at bay. I could see the worry in Jen's face and the puffiness around her eyes told the story of a concerned mother.

They placed the tiny body on a special bassinett and the doctor and specialists immediately began taking care of Belen. Their goal was to bring Belen to breathe on her own. As tiny as she is and the early arrival is an obvious reason for her lungs to be fighting for air. Hearing the words, "good heartbeat," and "she's breathing now!" brought comfort to my soul.

Though they did succeed in getting Belen to breahte, they needed to place a breathing tube through her mouth so that it would assist her with the breathing. She is small and her lungs are not fully able to do all the breathing on their own. They will do as much as possible until her body gains the necessary strength. They will monitor Belen closely for the next month and do their best to prepare her to leave the hospital and into our humble abode.

The first glimpse towards Belen directed me to see her tiny feet. They were juggling around in thin air and my heart stopped beating for a moment. I turned to Jen and told her the small miracle that I had just witnessed. She choked for a moment then her eyes turned watery. I could see the love that she expressed toward Belen, our firstborn. "We are parents now," I lovingly said to her.

They took Belen to the NICU and Jen to the recovery room; I followed easefully behind Jen. We stayed there til about noon nearly three hours after Belen's birth. I was allowed to see Belen only from outside the NICU window, literally outside the building, because of the rare cold that I have, unfortunately, acquired. "Can you believe that I hardly ever get sick?" The time for this unfortunate cold to invade my body occurs only days before Belen's arrival and I am not happy about this unexpected virus, but since Belen's health is way more important than my miserable cold, I must sacrifice not being able to stand at her side and to hold my precious gift.

I can't believe how much I love her. This is simply unexplainable.

Among our guest today in order of their arrival:

Natasha Wunderlich- she totally went out of her way by showering Belen with multiple gifts and she even brought Jen a breast milk pump. We are truly blessed to have Natasha here at our side.

Mom, Dad and Gabriel. Mom and dad flew in from Dallas, yesterday, and arrived a day before Belen. I am very happy that they are here because it had been a very long time since I had seen them. I speak to them on the phone at least once a week, but it is simply great to have them here with us. Unfortunately, Belen will have to remain at the hospital for at least a month so they will not be able to see her at home. Mom and dad's trip here will be short lived because Ricky has already booked their flight tickets back to San Antonio.

Mom got Belen a "My First (pink)Teddy" bear and a baby stork carrying a baby bear. Very cute!
Yesterday, mom got us a porcelain angel being held by a set of hands. It is prety cool...

Gabriel, Adriana and the girls were here yesterday. Gabriel drove our parents over from his house today and he simply brings an amuzing spirit into our room. I love my brother.

Tucker, Melissa and McKenna Dowd. The Dowd's arrived shortly before 4pm. Tucker and I walked down to the NICU so that we could get a peek at Belen but we were not fortunate enough to see her. They moved her from the area where I had earlier stood and A rent-a-cop showed up and asked us not to be in this vicinity because the nurses did not like people hanging around outside and looking in at the tiny bodies. I did not want to make a big deal (Doctor Buxton had taken me to that exact area earlier so that I could see Belen, and she even said that I could bring people there) so Tucker and I headed back to room 341.

Tucker and Melissa brought us a load of goodies for my tummy, yesterday before noon.

Sarah Turner: Jen's visiting teacher stopped by for a few minutes. She brought Jen a crossword puzzle and a pocket held Tetris game. She offered a small and sincere prayer and as she did, I was reminded how great it is to have great friends and family amidst us. I enjoyed playing on Level 1 of the Tetris game for a short while.

Dale, Hannah and Joey: They brought me Quiznos. Yay! They stopped to see how we were all doing, as well.

We have been extremely blessed by our Father in Heaven. He has placed us at the right hospital and with the right staff. Everyone here at Kaiser-Roseville is totally amazing and we are fortunate to be here surrounded by their constant care.

Words cannot express how much I love Belen and I can't even begin to say enough about Jen. I never will, I'll never end but I will begin by saying that Jen is amazing.