I went to visit Belen on my own this morning as Lucio was taking Mocha to the vet for a vaccination. When I arrived there was no parking close by so I had to walk all the way from the parking structure. Belen was sleeping soundly when I peeked into her isolette. While the nurse was working on Belen's neighbor, the doctor came by and said they were going to increase her feeding amounts to 21 ml every 3 hrs and also add milk fortifier for extra calories and minerals. The goal is to fatten her up. She was 2 lb, 15 oz yesterday so she probably hit 3 lbs today!
The highlight of each visit is, of course, getting to hold Belen. The nurse got her ready and placed her in my arms...my little munchkin. Yesterday I tried recreational breastfeeding for the first time. It's called recreational because the goal is not to get milk for nutrition but to just practice sucking. Yesterday it went pretty well. Belen seems to know what to do! She was sucking off and on and getting some milk. Well, she got more than she could handle I guess 'cause a few minutes later she spit everything up! My first spit up experience! After that she wasn't really interested in milk anymore, so I just laid her on my chest and we rested while daddy read us a story.
Today didn't go as well. I got her situated and she started to suck, but it only lasted a couple minutes before she spit up. (I put out too much milk too fast!) In addition, her oxygen level lowered and set off the alarm. Then her heart rate went down. Both went back up, so not too worrisome. The nurse came in and helped to clean her up and instructed me on how to move her to an upright position to burp her. I was scared to move her cause she seems so delicate! After a little rest I thought I'd try the other side, but that only lasted for a couple minutes as well. Belen was tired. I moved her back up so she could sleep, but she kept setting off alarms...low oxygen, low heart rate. The nurse gave us one more chance, but the little stinker did it again and she had to go back in her isolette. Once she was settled, she was fine-sleeping soundly once again. I was a little bummed that we didn't get to cuddle for very long, but I guess that's just part of the preemie experience.
To finish our visit, I sat by her and opened one of the portholes and read her a story. The story was about a fast little colt who just wanted to run and play. He didn't want to hang out with his grandpa because he was slow. Until one day he gets lost in the woods and his grandpa finds him. Grandpa horse tells him sometimes you have to slow down and spend more time with family. It was at this point I started to cry. I want to spend more time with my little girl, but it's difficult. She spends most of the day closed up in her isolette, sleeping. The nurses do care time every 3 hours. It's at this time we can help take her temperature, change her diaper and talk to her. At this point we can only hold her or do rec. breastfeeding once a day, so we've been going once a day. Any more than that and we spend most of the time sitting while she sleeps. Maybe when she gets out of the incubator and is feeding out of the bottle, staying longer will make more sense. Even though I know she won't remember any of this time, I still feel bad that I can't be there taking care of her all the time. But I know that time will come soon enough and will last for the rest of my life!
To complicate life even more, Lucio is still without work and our expenses have increased. Adding Belen to my insurance at work was more costly than I thought it would be. We are going to have a hard time making ends meet without some serious budgeting of funds. I also worry about having to go back to work this semester. My sick leave is not going to allow me to stay out past April. I don't know when I should go back to work, I don't know when Belen will be home. I don't know how the kids are going to react to me coming back. All this is causing me mucho stress!
I know I shouldn't worry so much. I should put things in perspective and realize that things will work out fine. Every time we drive anywhere, there are homeless people at the intersections asking for money. It makes me sad to see. It also makes me thankful for all that I do have.
We have received lots of goodies for the baby from our friends. The Dowds and Todiras gave us boxfuls of clothes and blankets. Many others have given us gifts. My work friends held a baby shower for me on Tuesday...that was a lot of fun. My aunt and cousin got us our stroller/car seat combo. My mom got us a bassinet. Many friends from church have brought us dinners the last couple weeks. I must send thanks to all these wonderful people. We are truly blessed to have such great friends and family. We love you!!!
and we love you! (I am a little late replying to these posts, but I want to read them all in order.) I can imagine how hard it must be to only be able to hold her for short bits of time. But at least you have that. And this period of life goes by so fast! Trust me. :)
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