A day with Belen

Following a routine breast pumping session, I walk down with my little bottle of milk to the NICU to spend some time with Belen. She's not feeding directly from me, yet, so the nurses use a syringe to give Belen a tiny amount of milk through her feeding tube every three hours. (at this point, a tiny amount means a couple of drops)

Today was exciting because I got to take her temperature and change her tiny diaper for the first time. To take the temperature you just have to hold the probe securely under her arm for a little while. Diaper changing is more daunting. The nurse showed me how to hold her legs up, get the new diaper ready and take off the old one. There was a nasty meconium poop on the old diaper. I used a little wipey on her bottom and carefully wiped her teenee behind. I was very nervous to touch her...she is so small and fragile. Even the premie diapers are big for her! She was a good girl while I changed her though and wasn't too squirmy. Belen does cry sometimes but it's not loud, it's just little squeaks. She's my little birdie.

Afterwards, the nurse began preparing Belen for the incubator. Belen wears a premie mask over her eyes to protect her from the blue phototherapy light. The light helps to break down Bilierubin which is a byproduct of red blood cell breakdown. Usually the liver breaks the old red blood cells, but because she is so small, they start to accumulate on her skin. It makes the babies look yellow; the special light treats Belen from developing Jaundice.

Lucio is still sick so he has to stand outside the window and watch. He is sad because he cannot be inside next to his precious daughter; the good thing about that is that he got to see Belen's eyes for the first time. She was facing towards the window and I was on the other side of the bassinett. She opens her eyes sometimes. At this age, her vision is not well developed yet, but we like to think that she can see us. I talk to her while I'm there. The nurses keep saying she knows my voice.

It is a difficult thing to see her there. I often feel the tears welling up in my eyes. She is my little baby and I love her sooooo much. I can't believe how much she means to me and how so many other things seem less important now.

I, Lucio, rolled Jen on a wheelchair down to the NICU. I wear a blue facemask over my mouth to keep the germs from flying all over. I don't think that I should be wearing it anymore, but Jen insists. I told Jen that I should not enter the hallway at the NICU because the doctors do not want me there. Jen thought it was ok.

Jen walks inside Belen's room and I wait outside in the hallway. Moments later a lady approaches, asks me if I have a cold for obvious reasons and says that they do not allow people with colds in that area. I told her not the be mad at me; my wife said it was ok. I get off the wheelchair and walk outside of the NICU and back to Jen's room. I was upset!

I just want to be close to my baby. I don't want her to think that I do not want to be with her. I know that she can sense Jen and she probably did see me outside the glass, so she knows that we are both there next to her. I am thankful for the nurses who are there at her bedside 24/7.